Reg Bartley's Guide To Wooing A Woman

By Reg Bartley
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16 Aug, 10 - 3 Comments.

When people hear the name Reg Bartley, they often think of one thing. Luckily, those charges have been dropped - and I have moved on with my life.

Now when people think of the name Reg Bartley, they think Man of Love, Man of Culture and Man about Town. That is three things, not one, I hear your internal monologue prose. You would be correct, unless of course these three things were in fact a subsection of one larger title - or thought process - in which case, for arguments sake we'll title "Man of Many Things ©".

Women. You can't live with them, and often you can't live without them, unless nthey have made it a legal requirement of you to do so. My ex-wife aside, most of us find love in all manner of places. Love can be found in a friend, a co-worker, a cross-dressing waitress named Mindy... *Parts of this article have been excluded due to ongoing investigations* ...and her cat was eventually found unharmed.

But how does one find his true love and/or life partner. In situations like this, it's best to go back to the basics, a topic in which I wrote on in my 1954 hit tome (another word for a book) REG BARTLEY'S IT'S BEST TO GO BACK TO THE BASICS: A TOME ABOUT LOVE ©.

While highly unpopular upon it's original release, due in part to it's sympathy towards communism, looking at it now - this year, the year of two thousand years and 12 more of those years added to the already established two thousand years - I feel there are some valuable lessons for the youth of today to learn from it. There is also a recipe for shortbreads in there.

Reg Bartley's Guide to Love - Part 1 : The Hunt

I sat on the train the other day, towards a destination of non-importance - the destination being popular take out restaurant Lord of the Fries. Not only a clever reference to the hit book "Lord of the Flies", but also a reference to their several flavours of fries, at prices that can't be beaten.

Looking to my side I noticed a young girl. Of legal age, I must remind you. By young, I mean she looked young. I'm paying her a compliment, not taking a literal standpoint on her actual age... *Parts of this article have been excluded due to ongoing investigations* ...and her cat was eventually found unharmed.

The twinkle in her eye got me thinking and/or pondering. What is it that attracts the ladies to men all across the world? Is it their brutish scent, their urge to be held and/or loved or perhaps a desire to cook for someone? Call me old fashioned, but I still ride a horse and cart to work. Though I digress...

While impressing a woman may be harder than it used to be (I'm referring to the sudden outlawing of "rohypnol"), there are still several steps a man can take in order to acquire a ladies attention. They are three-fold:

1. Dress Smart

Nothing appeals more to a woman than a man who is a neat, clean and/or a snappy dresser. In fact in a recent survey, two out of three women all agreed that men are more aesthetically appealing when shaven, bathed and wearing pants. I felt it was unfair of them to make reference to my appearance, however this was my first paying job in several years. And one of them was quite ugly, so...you know.

2. Listen To What They Have To Say

A woman always appreciates it when you listen and/or pretend to listen to them when they are explaining to you what they have cooked you for dinner. You should nod sporadically if you find the words confusing, giving the illusion that you are interested and/or understand.

3. Don't Poison Their Dog

A general tip that, in my experience, is one of the worlds worst aphrodisiacs... *Parts of this article have been excluded due to ongoing investigations*... and her cat was eventually found unharmed.

For years, the thrill of the chase was a fantastic rush for any red-blooded male. Subtle flirting with a desired female - tips which can be found in REG BARTLEY'S SUBTLE FLIRTING WITH A DESIRED FEMALE © - soon followed by a gentlemanly gesture of dinner, flowers and/or impregnating her womb. All important and vital steps in the initial hunt for a woman.

But this is just the beginning. Love is a Battlefield, singer Pat Benetar once sung. Had she ever fought in a war, I would assume she would realise the relative inaccuracy of that description.

Nonetheless, by following these easy steps and/or advisory tomes (another word for book) you too can begin the hunt for a member of opposite sex… THE REG BARTLEY WAY! ©