Personal Ads - How to interpret.
WOMEN'S ADS:
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Barge arse
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Formerly a slut
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Average - Fat
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker
MEN'S ADS:
40-ish - 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic - Watches a lot of sports on TV
Average guy - Has a head like a robbers dog, but has a friendly nature.
Educated - Will patronize the hell out of you
Free Spirit - Willing to bang your sister and your mother.
Friendship first - You're dumped if you dont put out on 2nd date - no later !
Fun - Pisshead.
Good looking - Arrogant
Very good looking - Happy to have sex with himself if you dont put out.
Honest - Pathological Liar
Huggable - Overweight, more body hair than a Yetti
Likes to cuddle - Insecure mama's boy
Mature - Older than your father
Open-minded - Back door bandit.
Physically fit - Has the ability to run away if neccessary
Sensitive - Cries at chick flicks
Spiritual - Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable - Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
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(Private Profile) - 12 Aug, 10
-"Spiritual - Got laid in a cemetery once"
hahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!
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(Private Profile) - 12 Aug, 10
-hmmm! So is the mature, 40-ish, honest,free spirited,very good looking,open minded attitude.looking for frienship first
on My Profile a good thing???
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(Private Profile) - 12 Aug, 10
-Maybe I should rethink my " outgoing, adventurous free spirit with an open minded passionate look on life, has a beautiful contagious smile who likes to have fun" bit in my profile Huh...LMFAO
-
WOMAN'S ENGLISH
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper....
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead]
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep
I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole
MEN'S ENGLISH:
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = I don't see why your making such a big deal about this
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex now
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!?
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
(while shopping) I like that one better = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together = I am gay